Lovely readers, I want to share a quick and simple tip with you!
Do you want to know the secret to keeping a spotless, germ-free home?
Do you want to know the key to nearly effortless meal planning and saving money on meals?
Would you like to know how I completed my grocery shopping at 6am while my children were still asleep at home?
Are you feeling a little bummed out, aimless, unimportant? Need a way to feel valuable?
Boy, do I have your solution.
All you have to do is jolt out of bed at 2am to the sound of your spouse hurling up everything they’ve consumed in the last decade.
You’ll be instantly transformed!
You’ll find yourself wide awake, with an insatiable yearning to learn everything there is to know about “stomach virus vs food poisoning,” and “vomiting with diarrhea,” and “how many energy drinks can I consume in a day and not die?”
You’ll whip out of bed before the butt crack of dawn, dismiss all insecurities regarding makeup and overall hygiene, and make your way to the grocery store in ripped jeans, the shirt you slept in, and a ball cap you found on the floor in the dark.
You can leave the kids to sleep because kids at 6am
are insane need their rest.
You’ll easily plan your meals for the week during the bleary eyed drive to the store. All you need is enough ingredients to make a giant pot of BASKETTI for your children to eat for days and days and days. The spouse will be living purely off of crackers, ice water, and Jell-O. You will not have the time, nor the desire, to eat. (Flat abs, here we come!)
You’ll be the center of attention. Guarding the door to the “sick room,” checking temperatures, refilling ice glasses, encouraging (forcing) the poor, sick person to “drink more fluids or I’ll punch you in the face,” and suddenly becoming the reporting station for literally every bodily function of literally everyone in your home.
Your entire home will be clean in mere hours. Bathrooms wiped down and sanitized. Sheets and bath towels chugging away in the hottest water your washer can spew. Counters, floors, doorknobs, sinks, tables, EVERYTHING WILL BE CLEANED and NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO TOUCH ANYONE.
This event also makes for an excellent homeschool opportunity. “What’s Poppa doing?” “He’s puking, hurling, vomiting, upchucking, expelling… Synonyms, kids!”
Nothing increases your productivity and stamina like waking up to someone hugging the toilet, amirite?!
Nothing makes you realize your household management potential like the fear of catching the stomach flu as a stay at home mom.