Why Did They Even Have Kids?

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This post is exactly the type of post I try to avoid. Ranty, emotional, us versus them, choppy sentences…  But I have to get it out.  You’ve been warned, I guess??

Raise your hand if you’ve seen the phrase “Why did they even have kids?” among a group of homeschoolers in reference to public schoolers.

*a millionteen hands raise*

Being new to the homeschool world, I spend a good bit of time as a spectator in online groups, social gatherings, etc.  And if you’ve had any amount of experience in these situations, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

At the end of the public school year, public school teachers get a scathing because, “How dare they be so relieved for time off.  They should probably find a new career if they hate kids that much.”  Public school parents get a similar treatment because, “How dare they be exhausted a week into Summer break.  They don’t even know how to exist with their children.”  And then in the fall, “Look at these parents posting funny pictures of their sweet babies going back to school.  How can they be so happy their children are leaving? Their kids must be so sad their parents hate them.  HOW DARE THEY!

Homeschool Mom…Stop.  Sweet Baby Jesus, please, stop.  I have such a hard time seeing these sentiments from what’s supposed to be “my community.”

I struggle with these topics because even though I firmly believe staying home and family based education is the best choice for my family…  I don’t always love it.

When Grandma hauls the kids to her house for the weekend, I do a giddy jig. #noshame

When they’ve been gone two days and my husband mentions missing them, I laugh and laugh and continue to roll around gleefully on my crumbless sofa.

When my kids ask to play, my innards groan the groaniest groan ever.

I can 110% sympathize with the public school mom who is absolutely exhausted by the change of routine summer break carries.  I can feel the relief of the September mom, finally getting a moment to breathe a quiet breath.  The mom doubting her ability to homeschool because she’s afraid she will literally lose her mind and ruin her relationship with her children?  I get that.

Most of us don’t choose our path based on what’s easy or the most pleasant.  We choose what we choose because it’s what we need to do and what we feel called towards. Motherhood can be utterly soul crushing at times.  That’s the real truth for some of us.  I have ugly cried in the shower more times than I can count because it’s just so hard, and it has diddly squat to do with homeschooling vs public schooling.

I love my children.  With a fierceness.  And so do most of those public school parents.  When we make a lighthearted joke (a disguised plea for just a bit of reassurance and comradery), I’ll tell ya…  It sucks being told we shouldn’t even be parents at all.  How dare we not fart sunshine 24/7?  How dare we take two seconds to express that parenthood, in any form, can be difficult?

How dare we be honest and trust that our children won’t one day hate us for it?

Hop down off your high rise pony and practice what you preach, homeschool mom.  Kindness, understanding, patience.  If you’ve got your business SO together, then you won’t mind offering a helping hand or listening ear instead of an upturned nose and righteous indignation.

/rant

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12 thoughts on “Why Did They Even Have Kids?

  1. Preach! We homeschooled our only child and it was HARD. My sister (a single parent and sole provider for her family) sent her two kids to public school, and it was HARD. There is no “right” way to raise kids. You just do the best you can with the good Lord’s help and trust in the end everything will turn out okay. I know a lot of homeschoolers who choose that path because they want to save their kids from the influence of the world. It’s an honest objective, but the fact is, every one of this munchkins has a will of their own, and they are ultimately responsible for the choices they make. I’ve been surprised to see how many of the “good” homeschoolers we knew go completely off the rails once they gained their freedom. My own delayed the usual teenage rebellion for when she turned 18. Boy! Was that a shock! Thought we dodged the bullet, and then BAM! But she has come back around and she is doing great at 21.

    Anyway, loved your post. It needs to be said and you said it well. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you! You’re so right about children growing into whoever THEY choose to be. We can only do our duty to raise them as we see fit, but the idea that doing XYZ somehow *guarantees* a “good” child/adult is so far fetched.

      Like

  2. This. Love this!
    I’m definitely guilty of rolling my eyes and muttering a quick, “Jeez. Just deal with it, you bunch of pansies!” when I see all the moaning and groaning at the beginning of the summer.

    That being said, as I write I’m looking forward to the couple of hours I get to have CHILD FREE this afternoon 😀 😀 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really been a part of a real-life homeschool community, but thankfully I’ve never heard or seen this type of comparison made. It’s such a shame you have! I did have a public school friend recently observe that while she and her kids were suddenly spending every part of their weekdays together because it’s summer vacation, and getting used to that change, we didn’t have that transition to make and simply kept going with our usual lifestyle. I have a lot more public school friends than homeschool friends and I have to say that I’ve received a lot of open judgement from them for my choice to homeschool. I have no reason to judge them as I was once a public school mom myself, for several years in fact, so I’ve actually been in their shoes. So, unfortunately this goes both ways and it’s sad because all parents need acceptance and support.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It definitely goes both ways! All sides looking down their snoots at the others. It’s exhausting. But I’m glad this post hasn’t been your experience! I’ve seen it as a reoccurring theme since I first started researching homeschool when my first was born. 😦 I’ve struggled trying to find my niche.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think the exhausting part is why I don’t participate in judging others. I don’t have the time or energy to worry about how others parent their own kids (unless there’s a definite safety issue involved and then I will speak up), plus it’s none of my business! It’s taken me a while to find my niche, too. Mostly we are homeschool loners except in the virtual world.

        Like

  4. What a rant, lol. Well said – and yeah, sometimes you gotta get it out. I think all of the sane moms out there (I’d like to include both of us in that bunch!) dislike the judging moms who just can’t keep it to themselves. Golden rule, anyone? I think we just all need to accept that everyone’s path is hard sometimes, and we should all respect people’s choices and abilities to deal with it.
    Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes! I feel like such a hypocrite for ranting about someone else’s rant lol. And I try really hard not to let myself feel judged or offended. Ugh… I just feel more people should be aware that their words can really sting when someone is already struggling. “If you don’t have anything nice to say” and all that jazz.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I was going to say something about it being hypocritical, but I didn’t want it to come across as accusatory! (Bc I enjoyed your post.) I honestly think that people’s judgmental comments are really just them trying to justify their own lives and hide their own insecurities.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Good rant. I’m childfree, but hear this sort of “home school vs public school” discussion going on often enough to have thought some about it. My thought is: if you’re doing what is best for your particular child, then why hate/judge the other side, when it’s none of your business what they do with their children? It seems goofy to me, but then I’m an outsider…

    Liked by 1 person

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